And now This Word from Outer Space

Anonymous found a delightfully naive set of questions that every father who wants to dominate his daughter must know. The commenters have had a great deal of fun, and I thought the readers at large should probably see the cause of all this mirth:

SilverMine (IF the US gøvt says it is a lie.):

QUESTIONS FOR FATHERS TO ASK POTENTIAL SONS-IN-LAW

Marriage is to important to be left to children Marriage part three QUESTIONS FOR FATHERS TO ASK POTENTIAL SONS-IN-LAW

These questions may be handled between father-in-law and son-in-law together; they may be answered orally or in written form; they may form the basis of regular "discipling"during the engagement period of the daughter This is not a test; it gives an opportunity to know one another. Some questions may be asterisked as important; other questions may be checked off not to be answered. Please note the questions are not in the order of importance, you know how you raised your daughter, therefore you will need to prioritize the importance of each question.

1. Who are the three most important people in your life, besides the Lord Christ Jesus?

2. What are the two most important things in life?

3. What is the one thing you wish to do with your life?

4. What is your policy on borrowing/owing money/credit card usage?

5. Are you a virgin?

6. Have you ever had an homosexual experience? At what age? Multiple times?

So...I guess one is alright?

7. Have you ever been married/divorced?

8. Do you know that you have been converted to Christ? Under what circumstances? At what age?

9. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to?

Clearly, rap is right out.

10. Will you raise your children to know the Lord Christ Jesus and to attend Sunday school and church?

11. Will you tithe your income consistently to the Lord?

12. Under what circumstances might you feel right in divorcing my daughter/your wife?

13. What church are you now attending regularly? Are you a member of that church?

14. What Christian service have you performed through or outside of your church? Do you witness for Christ?

15. Will you ask my daughter to share her insights in major events/decisions you will face? Is your sexuality under and submitted to Christ's Lordship? Do you have a habit of touching women on the back or shoulder?

NOT THE BACK AND SHOULDER!

16. To whom do you turn for counsel and advice?

17. What would you like to change in your parents?

18. Are you on good terms with your brothers and sisters?

19. Have you ever possessed or used illegal drugs?

20. Have you ever used a ouija board?

21. Who do you believe is the more spiritual, my daughter or yourself?

No, it's a trap!

22. Do you now have, or have ever had, a sexually transmitted disease?

23. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what was the charge?

24. Have you been baptized by immersion? At what age? How long after your conversion?

25. Are you willing to spend one year in a bible college?

A year?! At this point who the crap is still sticking with this?

26. Do you believe in the Lord's pre-tribulation, pre-millennial rapture of the church?

27. What is your pastor's name?

28. What version of the bible do you habitually use?

Are you one of those splitters in the People's Front of Judea?

29. Are both your parents believers? If not, which is?

30. Are both parents college-trained? If not, which one is?

31. Are you a reader? What kind of literature do you read?

32. Are you a "couch potato"? What tv programs do you watch regularly?

33. Do you enjoy dating in a group as well as one-to-one?

34. Do you and my daughter both enjoy sharing Bible insights and do you pray together often?

35. Do you enjoy being in our daughter's house when her mother and I are present?

36. Do you prefer soap operas or sitcoms on tv more than you do other types of programming? Why?

37. Who is your favorite uncle or aunt, and why?

38. Do you enjoy having your siblings' children, your nieces/nephews around if they have any?

39. Are you upset when your plans for an evening or outing are disrupted or changed by others?

40. Would you be willing to give your personal testimony in a men's shelter or a men's bible study?

41. Have you had the joy of leading a friend or neighbor to Christ?

42. Approximately how many bible verses do you know by Heart? Have you ever been enrolled in a bible memory system?

Well, I mean, who hasn't been in a BMS?

43. When do you experience being most impatient?

44. Are you overweight by more than 20 lbs?

45. How long have you lived at your present residence?

46. Are any of your relatives missionaries? Or have been?

47. If you worry, what are you most worried about?

48. Do you believe that you can lose your salvation?

49. What do you enjoy most about Sunday school, about the your church's Sunday service?

50. Does singing hymns, songs, or choruses give you pleasure?

51. How far are you in your education? What majors?

52. How are you going to support your family?

53. Have you ever looked at pornography, if so are you going to expect my daughter to compete with those woman?

hehehe.

54. Do you understand the importance of Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it"?

55.How do you feel about your wife, my daughter, staying home and home schooling your children?

56. Are you willing and able to live on just your income?

57. How many children would you like to have?

58. In the event of a financial melt down, do you have a marketable trade? Can you do simple electrical, plumbing and carpentry repairs around your home? Do you have basic tools to do those repairs?

59. Do you enjoy home cooked from scratch meals?

60. Do you believe in spanking? Are you willing to be the chief disciplinarian in your family?

At this point, it's seeming kind alike this guy doesn't want to ever give his daughter up...I'm getting a certain Judge Turpin vibe here.