Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Freeper New Years predictions for 2016

Via Anonymous. This was short but dense with the crazy - I woulda missed it, so thanks!

Alas, I didn't do a 2015 predictions thread last year. Which is sad, because predictions allow Freepers to cast off the last vestiges of reality and live in a realm of pure imagination.

And since Freepers' minds are riven with imaginary demons, it's always awesome.

Remember the 2010 Civil War 2?
Or when Biden resigned in 2013?
But get ready for a bright, post-Civil War 2 future!

Well, lets see how Freepers do this time, eh?

Crazieman keeps it short and insurrectionist:
Article V or civil war.
Safetgiver doomsays:
Full out WWIII. All the Pieces are in place, on purpose.
Netz lays out how World War III goes down:
Israel attacks Iran, Obama attacks Israel, Russia attacks the USA with China, Assad remains in power, Obama has the time of his life...
Cringing Negativism Network wants you to BUY GOLD
Gold will go up.

Maybe way up.
Never one to let a good villain leave, Gadsden1st is very sure Obama will stay in office:
Military coup or Obama cancels (postpones) elections.
Military coup I give 5%
Obama remains President 94.9%
Civil War .1%
Comment Not Approved is sure this year is the one Obama takes our guns:
obama will make a big move against the 2nd Amendment, either executive order or executive action. GOPe will bitch and moan and call it unconstitutional ... but will do nothing to stop him.

Ammo will be very hard to find at anything close to a reasonable price.
Undeterred by his 2013 record of prediction a Japan-China war, Bill Clinton's death, the dissolution of the EU, and a terrorist attack in Houston, Forward the Light Brigade thinks big once again!
My take-—Swami says-—

1. Trump win nomination.
2. Hillary drops out due to health.
3. Democrat Brokered convention—Biden is picked
4. Trump picks Sessions as his VP.
5. Russia and Turkey go to war
6. New London Attack by Isis—kills hundreds in the Tube.
7. Boston is attacked by ISIS in a theater.
8. New obama scandal—talk of Impeachment.
9. Israel hits Iran—stops nukes.
10. Biden picks Warren as his VP.
11. Creed will win best picture Oscar.
12. Trump win—but its really close.
13. Peace in Ukraine—Russia wins.
14. Soros dies —Poisoned? Poluium?
15. Sarcozy become president of France.
16. Terrorists sink a cruise ship in West Indies.
17. Bill Clinton dies of a heart attack.
18. OJ is killed in Prison
19. Iraq is cut into three States—Kurdistan, Sumer, and Iraq.
20. New outbreak of Ebola hits west africa.
21. Civil War in So. Africa—Gov. vs Zulus/whites
Hey, he said Bill Clinton would die in his 2013 predictions!

Salgak goes with the Obama Muslim lameness:
1. Obama comes out of the closet and admits he’s a Muslim.

2. Michelle Obama is hailed as “Stunning and Brave” . ..
Alas Babylon! is an optimist:
Trump wins the general election in a landslide.

America’s made great again in 2017.
The Working Man is sure terrorists care about US politics, but holds off on World War 3 until 2017:
Obama will go on a world tour/vacation and divert attention while his people in the White House try to insinuate even more ‘double agents’ into the Bureaucratic infrastructure.

Terrorist activities will decrease or stop altogether in an attempt to not give Donald Trump even more ammunition in his quest for the White House.

Oil prices will start to rise as exports from the U.S. finally start to happen. Saudi Arabia and Iran will work clandestinely to stop that as well as each other.

All in all, a mostly normal year with the possibility of CWII and WWIII hanging over our heads. Look to California for CWII to start, (if it does). Probably because over zealous usage of the latest anti-gun owner law.

2017 on the other hand... Whoa Nellie! It’s all going to go boom then.
EQAndyBuzz is still humping the Obama pardon train:
1. The worst of the worst will be pardoned.
2. Obamacare will end. The media, the democrats and Hillary will blame it all on the Republicans. Hillary runs on Universal healthcare.
3. Dow goes to 20k. Obama takes credit, Hillary jumps on bandwagon.

Basically, anything Obama screwed up over the last 7 years will be attributed to the Republicans and Hillary will run on that.
GOPJ worries about the tide of Chinese anchor babies:
China's moves on world currencies cause economic problems. More Chinese buy second homes in the United States...and have ‘duel citizenship’ babies here - showcasing unease and panic...

Interest rates in the US go up.

More Mexicans and South Americans break into the country. "Homeland' leans toward protecting criminals MORE than protecting citizens. Americans become anti-immigrant... legal and illegal.

Terrorist acts increase in the old EU and continue in the United States.

Hillary likely drops out of race. If she does - the race is between Sanders and Trump.
The_Republic_Of_Maine is also unable to believe Hillary will be the candidate:
Donald John Trump is the Republican nominee, he then goes on to beat Joe Biden 56% to 33% in November.
The_Republic_Of_Maine also believes Obama will assassinate Hillary:
Good Morning One and All:

Well, let me start by saying, that while I am neither a prophet or the son of a prophet, I have no doubts that Hillary Rodham Clinton will be dead within one year.

How she will die, I am not sure, but this I know, before November 8, 2016, she will be dead and joey biden will be put in her place.

I do not see her death as being by natural causes, although it may look like natural causes.

She will be dead because Barak Hussien Obama can not allow her to be deposed by Judicial Watch.

Obama has no fear of anything of consequences coming out from the interviews by the Congressional committees, for they are all subservient to him, but Judicial Watch is another story, a long suffering and honest, God fearing Republic loving group of honest lawyers and patriots.
And it looks like The_Republic_Of_Maine came by his craziness honestly:
Our pastor says that he expects either Rapture or civil war in 2016.

When I said "Rapture" He said "I believe pope Francis is the false prophet, Putin is the anti-Christ and Netanyahu is the Israeli leader that turns to the anti-Christ and away from the US."

He went on to say that all of the end time prophecy pieces seem to be in place.
Billthedrill has a big list of attempts at satire. My favorite is the idea that Sons of the Confederacy are the biggest badasses around:
OK, well, going out on a limb here:

1. Fidel will die. The NY Times will recommend him for sainthood. The Pope will concur.

2. 0bama will issue an executive order that all firearms will be confiscated by the federal government effective immediately. The NRA will respond, "Yeah, right." Gun sales to the general public will soar.

3. Trump will declare that not one single illegal immigrant will be allowed to stay. Nancy Pelosi will reply that hey, that means that two or five or 20 million are OK.

4. The editorial board of the NY Times will endorse Bernie Sanders "because he's so butch, sweet cheeks." No one will be in the least surprised.

5. Muslim terrorists will attempt to shoot up a Shriners convention but will arrive instead at a Sons Of The Confederacy meeting. Hilarity will ensue.

6. The Sierra Club and the NRDC will announce that oxygen is a greenhouse gas and must be strictly controlled by a benevolent government informed by Recognized Experts. The air tax will pass a Democrat Congress by 100 votes.

7. The United States will abide, surviving the stupidity, arrogance, fecklessness, and pure self-destructive impulses of the majority of its citizens. Again.
bert has the annual military coup fanfiction:
around the middle of October, Obama will order an attack on Iran.

rather than carry out the order, the Joint Chiefs will order a brigade of combined arms to assault the White house and remove all there. most will be removed to detention but the President and family will be flown to a remote Pacific Island base for solitary detention.

under the junta operating from the pentagon, the election will proceed as normal. seventeen special prosecutors will be assigned the task of prosecuting those carrying out crimes against the republic

the new congress will be tasked with bringing charges against the president, his wife and children. a military tribunal will hold the trial before the new President is sworn in in late January with the stipulation he has no ability to pardon.
Popman expects a fusion ticket:
Clinton / Bush ticket wins...

Yes...the GOPe is that desperate...

Obama comes out of the closet...

Inner cities have mass race riots...

Several Major cities collapse into third world status...

Rosie O’Donnell dies...

Ebola hits several cities...
Even after all their fears were proven to be idiocy, Freepers sure do love Ebola!

I predict Nea Wood never returns to this thread again:
We should revive this thread a year from now and see how many of the predictions came true. I predict Freepers will be far more accurate in their predictions than any of the tabloid astrological or psychic prediction issues, most of which have not even one accurate prediction.


  1. I predict that come November, Obama will declare marshal law and cancel the elections, mailing himself permanent President, no, King, of America. If the election does happen it will be because he knows we won't allow him to do it


  2. I love how in the Freeper-verse Sasha and Malia are guilty of serious crimes against the US.

    1. I thought you were joking so I read through the whole thing, sure enough, "the new congress will be tasked with bringing charges against the president, his wife and children".

      I guess the kids have to be prosecuted for being black. That's all it can possibly be.